Thank you for the comments on last Monday’s post. I was going to footnote it with an explanation that I would probably be taking a break from blogging, maybe for a week, maybe longer. But I decided against it because, many times, a goodnight’s sleep does wonders and you can feel very different the next day. But I’m still wading through this grief. Its been ten weeks now since my dad passed and I’m at a point where I don’t like thinking about him or the situation because I end up feeling nauseous.
The other day I was sitting on the porch steps after working in the garden, staring off into the grass. My look prompted my mother to ask if I was sad or just tired. I explained that I was frustrated. I’m coming into a point where the things I’m doing are things he and I did (or would have done) together, namely the garden and the baby chicks. Something people have said a lot to comfort me, is that my Dad is still with me and that I can talk to him anytime I want. While I appreciate their kindness and do agree with them, I’m not really ready to accept it. I know (or I hope) that this will bring me comfort someday, knowing he is with me in spirit. But now it’s just, like I said, frustrating. I want to see him, hear him, hug him. I want to hand him the seed potatoes to drop into the hole he just dug, while I chatter on with a million questions. I want to ask him his opinion on how I’m planting and on what I should do with the lights in the brooder… and get an answer from him. Luckily, I have a long list of garden (and thankfully, chicken) savvy friends and family I can turn to but it’s not quite the same. And I know I’m more capable than I give myself credit for and can trust my gut to make fairly decent decisions. But it’s not quite the same, because I miss him too much right now.
I’m not going to footnote this one with any specific plans I might have for posting here on the blog either, because I don’t have any. I’m just going to stick with posting when it feels right. I’m knitting as much as I can and always taking pictures and putting stuff in the ground and 16 fluffy little birds will be here tomorrow (yes, tomorrow!) so I’m sure I’ll pop in with bits and bobs of the simple life now and then. I have a handful of lovely ladies lined up for the coming 3 Questions interviews, so you can expect at least one post a week here at Liesl Made. Until then, you can always keep up with me on Instagram.